Felt unproductive, might delete later.
Created at: 2024-04-15
Last Updated: 2024-04-16
To Reader:
Everyone has his struggles, this's one of them.
Read if you want to.
(It itsn't anything bad, just a heads-up)
Anyways,
Rant(?) time.
2 days ago, I decided to start playing Skullgirls Mobile because of some friends talking about it.
Game's great, fun as hell and possibly the only gacha I actually like... but maybe I liked it too much, binged the hell out of the game, didn't write, didn't study, did nothing except actually important stuff, possibly 25 hours into the game. After realizing, I felt bad, really bad, and still feel it. This isn't really a new thing, in fact, quite the opposite, most things I fell like isn't worth the time I'm investing it or "you could be doing something better right now" type beat, but this time it wasn't just a passing reflection or an after-thought, it was basically 70% of the time, even after I did completed my duties, the lingering fell was still there.
After all of this, I would probably just keep this to myself and move on, but today will be different, as I will now shout to the abyss trying to grasp sense of the situation.
I hate this unproductive feeling and I hate that I hate this unproductive feeling.
I have my job, my duties, important stuff, whatever you want to call, and I do them like any other person. I finish my duties, I try to find another thing to occupy me like reading something, writing something, or even just talking shit on Discord, there's always an feeling of not producing something worthy enough, even thought I do think it is worth (like this page, this is for me) and I as said, it sucks and I hate it, I just want to have some distraction so I can have a moment for me to enjoy, but I have the need to make it about how I'm not doing something good, and for the past I just have been ignoring it and it would fade away and come back later like a software update, but for some time now, I'm trying to stop ignoring these thoughts and trying to find solutions to them, and the unproductive feeling is the most formidable foe I'm facing so far.
Although I'm saying this like is my arch nemesis or something, is maybe an exaggeration, that's why I hate to hate it, being actually unproductive feels really bad for me, not being able to do my job for any reasons bothers my entire month (and people depend of me), so when I'm free and this feeling of "fake" unproductiveness settles in, there's no real reason why, and that's exactly the part I hate.
This feel had been causing harm to me, but it did at least one good thing, it helped me to start writing these notes/articles, which eventually led to the creations of what you been (hopefully) reading, because it's something I genuinely think has some value to myself, but it's up to you if you find it valuable or not, Reader, that isn't something I can tell you.
Took me a day to decide if uploading this was worth it or not. I still don't know.
This page is dedicated to my worst enemy, which is trying his best agaisnt me, but yet I stand. Thank you.
Also, thank you Reader for your time,
wikimaster.